I’ve been a little mesmerised by the wonder that is Wolfram Alpha. The extravagantly titled “Computational Knowledge Engine (CKE)”.

By calling it the CKE, for short, they’ve probably scared away a lot of people. That is until you give it a shot.

For example, as a paramedic, you visit a 30 year old fella who says he weighs 110kg and is 5’8″. That looks overweight, but with the Wolfram CKE you can see how bad this really is. Just type into the box: 30yr male 5’8″ 110kg and hit enter. Soon you’ll be informed that:

Captain Tubby’s specs are:

• BMI of 36.9 = obese.
• His ideal weight is 68.5kg (he’s 41.5kg too heavy).
• He’s got 6.1 litres of whole blood pumping around.
• His lung capacity is 3.9L.

Click the more button and you’ll get:

• His basal metabolic rate – 2138 calories/day.
• Other stuff.

How amazing is that? Type in your own details and be prepared to be scared.

Need help with that crossword on a cold lonely night shift? Type in _a_a_edic and voila out pops “paramedic”.

Need to know how much that apple and carrot just cost you in calories and how much protein you just gobbled up? Type in 1 apple + 1 carrot and you’ll see that you just had 104 calories and 761mg of protein. I wonder how much that cheeseburger just cost me? 550 calories apparently.

Type in drug names, places, formulas, electrical calculations, words, peoples names, blah, blah, blah. You will learn something new.

The best thing for paramedics? Next time you have someone in the back of your truck you’ll have some new tidbit to chat about. No more painful silences and pretending to do paperwork. Bonus.

Anyway, I’m just scraping the sides of what this thing can do. And by the sounds of things Wolfram Alpha is just getting started as well.

Wolfram Alpha. The new google or just a plaything. Could be both. I reckon there may just be a synergy that could work out nicely.

Enjoy. Let us know what you can find.

Most, if not all paramedics use the word “Acopia” or “Acopic” to describe people who can’t cope with life, the universe or the cat poo sitting in the middle of the lounge room. For example, “Geez that person was Acopic”.

Apparently, even though the word is great and perfectly descriptive, acopia isn’t a real word. What! Although Wikipedia has it listed. Take that real dictionaries!

Anyhoo, here is the AzureBlues guide to conquering your acopia. And if you’re not sure if you’re a sufferer we’ll start off with a few key signs (I think I’ve worn out the apostrophe button after that sentence) in a vaguely Dave Lettermanish style.

1. Your house stinks of stale food and strange fungus.
2. Your carpet moves by itself.
3. There’s cat poo in your living room that’s older than your 18 month old child.
4. You hand paramedics your health care card before you’ve even told them why they’re needed.
5. You’ve called the ambulance because you couldn’t move the Range Rover to get to your Mercedes.
6. You call ambulances because you’ve run out of smokes.
7. You think the ambulance will get your ingrown toenail seen quicker if the ambulance takes you to hospital.
8. You use pizza boxes as furniture.
9. You call an ambulance for something small yet there are 4 cars in the driveway and plenty of people around to drive one for you.
10. Did I mention the cat poo?

So how can one rid themselves of the label “Acopic”?

It’s all simplicity incorporated:

1. Buy and use a vacuum. A weekly vacuum around your place will take 20 minutes. You may get fitter, and your kid will be less grey after crawling along the floor.
2. Wash your dishes once a day. That way you won’t have to by pizza all the time because of a lack of clean plates.
3. Chocolate and cigarettes are not a food group. Fruit, vegies (not chips), and lean meats are good for you. Eat these and less of the others and you’ll be able to think straight.
4. If you can’t see your toes, cut down on the food and go for a walk. It’ll hold off the diabetes, strokes and heart attacks. This is good.
5. Remember that emergency ambulances are for emergencies. Minor cuts, bruises, bad hair days, lack of ciggies, and ingrown toenails don’t need ambulances. Call a friend and ask them to take you to the local Dr.
6. Change the sheets on your bed. Strange stains on the sheets aren’t imperfections in the fabric – they’re strange stains.
7. If it smells bad then it probably is. This refers to food, the dog, your car, and you.
8. If the bin’s full, empty it. That way the things that smell bad will smell bad outside your home.
9. That cat poo on the floor is not furniture or an art installation. Toxoplasmosis is bad. Clean it up.
10. Kids are not pets and should not be created to claim pension benefits.

I think that may just about do. If you’ve got any other ideas drop us a line in the comments section.

Cheers.

According to an article by Deakin Uni’s Prof Bob Cummins, and a report by the Uni and Australian Unity:

• Money loses its ability to reliably raise wellbeing beyond a household income of $100,000 – $150,000. Beyond this level, well being does not increase in line with increasing income.
• Single parents who are not earning money are an extremely high-risk category for developing depression with 70% having a high level of income uncertainty.

Anecdotally, ambulance crews see this every day. Young mums, with kids, and no time to work due to lack of support from family or the derro that walked out on her. She feels worthless, unable to independently support her children.

On the other hand, the more you earn the more your heart and soul belongs to the workplace. That’s not a recipe for happiness. The Audi RS4′s nice but you only use it to commute ‘cos the boss has you working weekends. The kids get screwed up and can’t cope with life.

I’m not going to preach because, as an ambo, I’ll never earn the big dollars. All we can do is the important things like standing by our families.

QED

I just dinna get the Twitter thang.

Little snippets of nothing that apparently mean something. Sounds like a Milky Way Ad.

My problem, I think aside from my other idiot-syncrasies, is that Twitter is little more than the status updates from Facebook but just with a little added Ashton and Oprah.

Isn’t it?

Maybe I’m narrow minded. But according to this article, 60% of people who try Twitter stop trying the next month. Forever.

That’s crap. Facebook is at least lots of percents more.

Anyhoo. Sorry for the delay in the posts. Except from my Tweets on the right hand side. Pass the Duchy, Twitter does have a use. Micro-updates to blogs.

What a hypocrite.

Domino’s CEO Don Meij has announced some “saucy” secrets from Domino’s HQ.

Let’s hope this isn’t one of them:

Anyhoo, I’m sure this never happens in Australia.

And just in case your looking for the link to Paramedical life – one word – GASTRO!