It’s been such a long time since I’ve posted to this blog. I apologise to our regular readers from the bottom of my depressed heart.

You see, there’s been some union-ing goin’ on. And it’s been makin’ me sad.

In fact, of all of the workplaces I’ve ever worked in (and there’s been more than a few), I have never seen such low morale.

Paramedics are just fed up with the enterprise bargaining process and how hamstrung we’ve been by Free Work Australia (FWA) or whatever it’s called.

Unlike just about any other occupation or field of work we paramedics can’t express ourselves with any form of industrial action. No strikes, no stopworks, no overtime bans (despite overtime being voluntary). Even our MICA paramedics have been threatened with mass sackings for expressing their concerns.

Anyhoo, this has been an ill-worded, grammatically rubbish post but I think you get the point.

So in a nutshell:

We, the paramedics of Victoria, feel shafted by the Victorian Government and by our own union, and there’s nothing we can do about it.

Cheers!

If there is one thing in life that I’ve learnt. People over complicate things.

Back in the day I had a hell of a time passing my university degree. I always had questions floating around in my head about everything I’d learned. To many whys and not enough acceptance. All this did was to brick up any further learning. Then I’d start falling behind.

I vowed never to go back.

Then I did.

This time I accepted what I was told. I kept up. I went home and read. I answered those questions in my head, in my own time, at my own pace. The simplicity of it all just clicked.

This is why, if I can, I break everything down to its most simple form. Even being a paramedic.

So here’s the theory:

• When you meet the patient find out first if they’re alive, dying or dead. This should be fairly obvious.
• If they’re gasping give them oxygen. If they’re not breathing, start CPR and pop the defibrillator on. If they look like they’ve had a big trauma, have someone stabilise their neck. If the blood’s pouring out, stop it. Otherwise take a breath.
• The next step is to find out what’s wrong. I reckon the best way is to ask them. See, simple is nearly always the best.
• Get a baseline. Conscious state, blood pressures and heart rates, see how well their breathing is. This’ll give you an idea as to whether they’re getting worse or if your treatment is working.
• Treat what you can treat and transport.
• Done, QED, keep it simple stupid.

This is just the standard clinical approach. Don’t over complicate it.

You’ll fix the diabetic hypos, and the heroin overdoses. But if they’re sick I say leave it to the folks that earn the big bucks. There’s only so much you can carry anyway.

Most, if not all paramedics use the word “Acopia” or “Acopic” to describe people who can’t cope with life, the universe or the cat poo sitting in the middle of the lounge room. For example, “Geez that person was Acopic”.

Apparently, even though the word is great and perfectly descriptive, acopia isn’t a real word. What! Although Wikipedia has it listed. Take that real dictionaries!

Anyhoo, here is the AzureBlues guide to conquering your acopia. And if you’re not sure if you’re a sufferer we’ll start off with a few key signs (I think I’ve worn out the apostrophe button after that sentence) in a vaguely Dave Lettermanish style.

1. Your house stinks of stale food and strange fungus.
2. Your carpet moves by itself.
3. There’s cat poo in your living room that’s older than your 18 month old child.
4. You hand paramedics your health care card before you’ve even told them why they’re needed.
5. You’ve called the ambulance because you couldn’t move the Range Rover to get to your Mercedes.
6. You call ambulances because you’ve run out of smokes.
7. You think the ambulance will get your ingrown toenail seen quicker if the ambulance takes you to hospital.
8. You use pizza boxes as furniture.
9. You call an ambulance for something small yet there are 4 cars in the driveway and plenty of people around to drive one for you.
10. Did I mention the cat poo?

So how can one rid themselves of the label “Acopic”?

It’s all simplicity incorporated:

1. Buy and use a vacuum. A weekly vacuum around your place will take 20 minutes. You may get fitter, and your kid will be less grey after crawling along the floor.
2. Wash your dishes once a day. That way you won’t have to by pizza all the time because of a lack of clean plates.
3. Chocolate and cigarettes are not a food group. Fruit, vegies (not chips), and lean meats are good for you. Eat these and less of the others and you’ll be able to think straight.
4. If you can’t see your toes, cut down on the food and go for a walk. It’ll hold off the diabetes, strokes and heart attacks. This is good.
5. Remember that emergency ambulances are for emergencies. Minor cuts, bruises, bad hair days, lack of ciggies, and ingrown toenails don’t need ambulances. Call a friend and ask them to take you to the local Dr.
6. Change the sheets on your bed. Strange stains on the sheets aren’t imperfections in the fabric – they’re strange stains.
7. If it smells bad then it probably is. This refers to food, the dog, your car, and you.
8. If the bin’s full, empty it. That way the things that smell bad will smell bad outside your home.
9. That cat poo on the floor is not furniture or an art installation. Toxoplasmosis is bad. Clean it up.
10. Kids are not pets and should not be created to claim pension benefits.

I think that may just about do. If you’ve got any other ideas drop us a line in the comments section.

Cheers.

According to an article by Deakin Uni’s Prof Bob Cummins, and a report by the Uni and Australian Unity:

• Money loses its ability to reliably raise wellbeing beyond a household income of $100,000 – $150,000. Beyond this level, well being does not increase in line with increasing income.
• Single parents who are not earning money are an extremely high-risk category for developing depression with 70% having a high level of income uncertainty.

Anecdotally, ambulance crews see this every day. Young mums, with kids, and no time to work due to lack of support from family or the derro that walked out on her. She feels worthless, unable to independently support her children.

On the other hand, the more you earn the more your heart and soul belongs to the workplace. That’s not a recipe for happiness. The Audi RS4′s nice but you only use it to commute ‘cos the boss has you working weekends. The kids get screwed up and can’t cope with life.

I’m not going to preach because, as an ambo, I’ll never earn the big dollars. All we can do is the important things like standing by our families.

QED

I just dinna get the Twitter thang.

Little snippets of nothing that apparently mean something. Sounds like a Milky Way Ad.

My problem, I think aside from my other idiot-syncrasies, is that Twitter is little more than the status updates from Facebook but just with a little added Ashton and Oprah.

Isn’t it?

Maybe I’m narrow minded. But according to this article, 60% of people who try Twitter stop trying the next month. Forever.

That’s crap. Facebook is at least lots of percents more.

Anyhoo. Sorry for the delay in the posts. Except from my Tweets on the right hand side. Pass the Duchy, Twitter does have a use. Micro-updates to blogs.

What a hypocrite.